from http://www.bpsd.org/williampenn/room103/whyteach.htm

What Do Teachers Make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued:
"What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests that it's true what
they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
To corroborate, he said to another guest: "You're a teacher, Susan," he said.
"Be honest. What do you make?" Susan, who had a reputation of honesty and frankness,
replied, "You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a
C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a C+ slap in
the face if the student did not do his or her very best."
"I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence."
"I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home."

"You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids wonder."
"I make them question."
"I make them criticize."
"I make them apologize and mean it."
"I make them write."
"I make them read, read, read."
"I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, and definitely beautiful
over and over and over again, until they will never misspell either one of those words again."
"I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final
drafts in English."
"I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart
... and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you pay them
no attention."

"You want to know what I make?"
"I make a difference."
"What about you?

Another version: from Ms Tan's facebook page
The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?'

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.' To stress his point he said to another guest; 'You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?'

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, 'You want to know what I make?

(She paused for a second, then began...)

'Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 minutes without an iPod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make?'

(She paused again and looked at each and everyperson at the table.)
''I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.
Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.'

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
'Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant...

You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr.CEO?'
His jaw dropped, he went silent.

Today’s my fourth time at BHID, and the first time being part of the committee and hence being at the Under-the-sea station to guide both volunteers and residents, and also taking part in the setting-up process, and taking photos of our activities etc.

Compared to the first 3 times, today I felt really busy with the multiple roles. As compared to the first three times when I only had to passively follow the residents around and guide them along in the games. Truthfully I did feel it was a bit boring last time, especially because I couldn’t communicate so well with the residents at the start and was feeling lost and wandering whether I would continue to volunteer here, esp on a sat morning – traditionally a time for me to wake up late and laze in bed.

The first time was with SM, I was pretty lost as to how to interact with her, and she was new to me as well. Plus she has quite a reserved character and I didn’t know what to do, it became a bit awkward at times, and old volunteers would come over, help chit chat a bit etc. But in the end, I was quite relieved at the fact that she gave me a huge hug and a kiss on my cheek before she went off for lunch. (=

The second and third was with SH, and today I actually felt quite bad that he’s without a volunteer attached to him as I was with the under-the-sea station and taking photos around. Sighs. I hope he understands that it’s not that I abandon him there. The previous two times he would always hold on to my hand when moving around, and sit on my right, very close always. And last week when I went a little away to tell them the story of saying thank you, he looked a bit insecure. Today when I looked afar at him, I could see he was looking at me. Sighs. Oh man. I tried explaining to him that I have to help at other places that’s why I cant go around with him today. I hope it’s ok.

And actually, I have grown to love this bunch of people, whether the volunteers or the residents. One thing I realized is that how simple happiness can be. When I am feeling rather tired from lab reports, or studying, or getting emo about being away from home on weekdays, the laughter and chatter from the residents and volunteers, and some valuable friendships from this place have really brought a significant amount of joy and laughter into my life. How much more laughter that I experience on weekdays when I am either with xuanny or alone in my room in pgp!
The residents’ friendly disposition really touches my hearts. I never realized how much the acknowledgement of someone’s efforts, presence and just saying hello, and heartwarming hearts make a person’s day. Everytime I turn up at the gate of the home, one of them would press the button to open the gate (actually I think that’s quite risky u know, opening without checking the visitor’s identity), then they would wave and wave happily from affair at their canteen, and how enthusiastically I would try to wave back. Haha. Then when u go up to the multi purpose hall, how they would say hello, shake your hands, give u a hug, and come to tell u about their life, their family, what they want to do etc. It’s just like kids, but they aren’t really kids. Haha. I don’t know how to describe. But that hugs from the residents really really make me smile, and seeing how they enjoy the activities (actually I think they prefer the company more than the activities la) really make me think that the morning spent is worthwhile sacrificing my sleep for.

But a very important thing I learnt today was how much a person’s presence matters to someone else, and how much more I need to learn how to communicate with them, not only through words but also actions. At the start of the morning when one of them was hugging very close to me at the start and I was with her, but I couldn’t understand what she was trying to tell me. It was also a mistake that I left her a while to attend to someone else cos I realized she felt that I was abandoning her to someone else and kind of ignored me after that. Sighs.

This communication thing really matters a lot in order to serve the residents better. And I need to learn how to speak and understand dialects. Today was exceptional in the sense that quite a number of them actively came and chatted with me, and I was quite happy to be listening, to be chatting, yet I know that I can do much better. I don’t know how to. But to know better what they mean behind their actions, how to interpret and decipher what they are saying, to get to know them better, and to think of how they can benefit more from our activities and better integrate into our society.

But don’t u think they need more than our weekly visits to integrate into the mainstream society? Here our activities are streamlined for them, and it’s not really our society in general.

Let me be committed to this cause, a cause which I didn’t ever planned to take. It was pretty coincidental that I came to volunteer at bhid, how I got to meet suhui, and admired how xinyi carries out her work so professionally, and this entire group of volunteers plus those who have already graduated who still come back to help.

So… after this blogpost, it’s time to go back to type the post for the official bhid rvp blog, hopefully with more ideas to blog now (=

Just a random musing that i didnt want to delete:

Things that I never knew
Invigilation – my gosh, it can get really boring’
Teaching – lesson prep – my gosh, it gets really long.
The fear of so many pairs of eyes staring at u
Admin work can drive u mad: collating questions, surveys

Havent visited here in ages as i lost the desire to actually type out what i think about.

this time, it's after reading wuzhen's blog, and after watching this channel u show about stars volunteering at places around the world, that require our care and concern. wuzhen was blogging about her inspirations from the sharing by the northlight principal during induction on monday.

Somehow i felt really touched on monday, sherrie was beside me. though i managed not to tear (not like the first time i watched the "make a difference movie" and the clip about how a jap teacher was touching the lives of children who lost their parents when i literally teared), i felt simply very touched by the dedication of this principal and her teachers. her teachers who paid for passport-making of these kids who didnt have passports such that they could go malacca for their learning journey, teachers who thought of their innovative ideas to help these kids, eg maths trail at terminal 3, camps where these kids and their parents come together to learn new skills together and be together. these kids are just like any other, although they had failed psle a couple of times, and at the bottom 0.5% of their respective cohort. But they have the compassion, unlike us, to reach out to the elderly living near their school campus. They started this project to change the lightbulbs in the houses of these elderly. One of the elderly actually told the kids this, today u light up my house, tomorrow someone will light up your life. and i would say, the kids are indeed lighting up somebody's life through their efforts.

I was really touched by her sharing, her sharing was very inspiring. and hopefully her sharing has also touched the hearts of these scholars who have promised to the interview panel, that they are the ones who would make a difference in the lives of the next generation, and who mould the future of the nation.

i remembered all these very inspiring sharings, those by ms dorothy tay of TIP training in Jan, the Dunman High principal during scholarship tea session. it is god's gift that these people manage to have the dedication and commitment to these kids, to education.

perhaps more than just dedication, it's love, that is patient, to carry on helping these kids, waiting for them to open their hearts just to embrace the world more, and making positive changes in their lives.

Sherrie was with me, and we decided to actually request for a short attachment at northlight. but of course, we were thinking whether it's even possible, cos we have different holidays, we have our respective school attachments to fulfil etc.

And though i felt a calling to help these underprivileged kids, i wonder how much can i commit? i was doubtful that i have the love for them, it takes so much more passion than usual to teach them. Would i be tired halfway and give up? Would i be able to sustain? if i decide to help them. It would be really unfair to them if i give up halfway.

And i think about the kids whom i met last year in cip. i kinda missed them. and perhaps because of the cip last year, cos of the tv show, cos of kids' outreach at church that day, cos of these inspiring stories from these principals, i think i have decided to engage in volunteer work again, in nus. let me be a light to others too.

do watch this if u have time, it never fails to inspire me everytime i watch, this year at the tip training, before i went to the interviews, at the scholarship tea session, and today (=

http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/

After i reached home at 10.30pm, i took a bath, and quickly sat down to submit online brightsparks application form for caas and dsta, both which i have already completed this morning. and at the last minute, i decided to fill in the form for mas as well, hence the rush to answer their questionnaire - ie essay - but my answer was so short it's not an essay.

and here ends my request for scholarships - i think that's all i want to apply for. even for these 3, there is not much point to it, as my areas of study are not really going to match. i m prepared not to get them, it's just that i choose to believe that at least i did try to apply.

ok there is no logic to this. this sounds dumb on my part.

then i was free, momentarily, to do other stuff that includes things like facebooking, surfing blogs, chatting on msn, checking emails, keying in timesheet, thinking about uni courses, staring into space, typing this, thinking about life....

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yesterday was my actual day of birthday, i did feel slightly disappointed that most of my friends werent free to celebrate, or rather, since friday was a better timing for everyone to meet, and friday is actually eliz's actual day, we shall meet on friday instead.

BUT RO was free to go bugis with me! yay! thanks my dear girl! i was wearing this new dress i bought last friday (sarah's birthday celeb) and wearing a black blouse as a "coat" cos the new dress is slightly revealing according to my standards.

Hence i needed a cardigan/coat/whatever u can have on top to cover part of my shoulders.

And poor RO had to accompany me one whole day to find one. one that's pleasing to the eye at least, and not too expensive. if i didnt rmb wrongly, i think i easily tried on at least 20 pieces, and also dresses and skirts and blouses and what not. basically i was in a shopping mood. i want to buy stuff to wear. i m turning up in school in plain colour tee shirts most of the time.

tada. after exploring the entire building of bugis junction, i managed to get a "coat" that's 29 bucks. the price is okay to me, considering that it's so difficult to even find a suitable one. well. 29 bucks that it may be then.

and i managed to get a skirt that 29 bucks too, half price from its original. my conclusion is that the original is overpriced. still the same style as my usual skirts. ok. at least there's a new print. at least.

it's very hard for me to find clothes that fit as i m getting too fat. that's a fact i cant deny actually. and i m not that rich as to buy anything that fits. hence although i go shopping rather frequently, i do not actually spend very frequently. Yet, when i do spend on clothes, i spend more than others because i cant get something that fits and has a lower price easily.

and we had lunch too. just chatting about our holiday life in general. and i was entertaining her with my stories of last week's relief teaching and gossip and well, we could talk non stop. prob it shows how close we are? we could constantly find things to talk about, not having that kind of awkward silence with some of my acquaintances.

and if i rewind the time again, before rachel reached bugis, i was replying smses, and answering xiaowen's questions - by phone. and inevitably talked about uni and scholarships and future plans. at this point of time in life, this is just a common topic.

then i took a mrt ride to novena to meet my parents for dinner. a nice meal at xiang gang jie. with a super delicious dessert of yam paste to top up everything today (=

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Friday:

morning, woke up earlier to type some scholarship application stuff before meeting xinyuan. again, i was on the phone call with xiaowen as i couldnt figure out the references thing on brightsparks.

basically, brightsparks wanted to have 2 people that can be your character referees. but they dont need u to attach copies of their references. they only want the teachers' phone numbers and email addresses.

Since they mentioned phone numbers - which to me, is a very personal thing, i didnt want to put the numbers down without their permission. and hence i called xiaowen to ask what i was supposed to do.

so she said, message them, ask whether they agree. lol. i should have thought of that right. dumb me.

so on my way to the mrt station to meet xinyuan, i was messaging mrs jalleh and ms clara lee.

then... me and xinyuan had a great time at Square2, where she tried on lots of clothes and bought a few pieces. It's actually super duper fun to shop for clothes! but that's provided u have the spending power to buy whatever u like. she being the cute self is very suitable for the korean style of fashion that square 2 offers.

then we had swensens at united square for lunch! it was considered cheap in the sense that we took a lunch promotion set, that includes a soup, main course, drink, and dessert. each of us spent about 13.50 which i thought was worth it for the quality of food and the environment. Both of us agreed that it was just a luxury to be able to come out, shop around, enjoy a full set of lunch and chat. hmmm. when we start work again next week, we wouldnt be so free then.

Personally, i do enjoy sitting at some cafes or restaurants (food courts sometimes are just too noisy) for a nice meal and spent the afternoon there. Being able to relax at such a place is an ultimate luxury as i m earning so that i can spend.

then we crossed the road this time, for novena square. there was a dress that i could fit in! but

i just randomly thought of something. there was a day i was having lunch with Ms Ang, and i asked her, whether i did do my tutorials last year? cos i know that i wasnt very consistent in doing tutorials de, esp in other subjects. chem was probably my most consistent one already.

She gave me her opinions as a teacher, that she doesnt believe in forcing students to do tutorials. because she believes, if the student likes the subject/teacher, and wants to do the tutorials, he or she would gladly do it.

i agree with her stand.
but as a student, it is also true that i may like you, but i just have "no time" for your tutorials. This was what happened to me for math last year. Sorry Mr Cheng!

well, truthfully i always dont do tutorials. math, bio, econs. i would do those for chem and gp actually. my tutors didnt come after me for not doing tutorials. at the most they asked, who has not done this this this question, and if i m honest that day, i would confess. HAH. As a half-teacher now, i understand how sad it is if students dont do your tutorials! u stand there, and ask, and half the class says no, and u wonder whether it's that they dont regard ur subject as important, or they are just too busy to do their tutorials, or what not. then u wonder whether u should scold them. u wonder what can make them do their tutorials more regularly. u wonder whether it's your fault that they do not do their tutorials. then u feel sad.


and of course i hope that when i go to uni, i would do tutorials.

i m worried.

firstly, my A level results. coming on friday, 2.30pm.

guess when i found out. yesterday 1pm. mins before meeting. LOL.

during the meeting, mdm wee asked whether anyone got the last year's A level bio paper cos she keep on hearing that the epistasis question is very interesting, and very hard to do.

and she asked me whether it's true. hahha. LOL.

err. and i laughed.

then mr nah says ya he has a copy. then the other teachers say there should be extra copies around. he said he used 20 mins to solve, she said there werent enough info in the question to solve, he asked whether i knew how to do.

LOL. i said i didnt know how to do.

he said, i can show u the paper.

and i went, laughily, I DONT WANT TO SEE. let me get my results first.

MY GOODNESS.

and they said, results are coming rite?

and i was like, yes, friday, 2.30pm, i received message from my friends already.

I m currently typing the scholarship application essay again. this time round, probably i will be able to finish it. for results are going to be released soon and i have to complete it no matter what. anyway, i do feel that everyone should have a try in typing this essay as it forces you to evaluate yourself as a person, to be able to pen down your beliefs and values in words. it makes you think, how your actions have reflected your values and beliefs.

As i realise it's not that hard to find my blog online, i shall lock entries to friends only from now on. Dearies who still want to access posts here, please add as friend. (=

just had a long phone call with him.

he's really nice. but yes he's already attached. well. too bad.

let's remain friends. =D

as i type a JH1 ie sec 1 worksheet now, i wonder how much they can handle this cell structure complicatedness. the level of details is almost equivalent to my J1 notes!

i realise i m such a idiotic person.

when i first came back to nj, i wanted to see the ensemble, or rather the girls and ms lim cos i really missed them. i missed the ensemble, missed the togetherness of playing together, missed the fun and laughter we had, the troubles we shared. after 3 years, i guessed i couldnt just cut ties with it. i even didnt mind staying till the evening just to see ms lim, after not seeing her for half a year. i just wanted to visit them, to see how they are doing, and hopefully to give them some support in their syf year, i didnt mind helping them out with the rehearsal, to give comments on their performance. i thought that as long as it's after working hours, it wouldnt matter. This occurred till chinese new year, and after cny, i decided to stop going back to guzheng due to my awkward identity.

Yet, after chinese new year, when the things i was hearing were too much to bear, as i was in no position to do anything except to listen and give some advice, i wanted to stop interfering with guzheng.

i sound as if i dont want to help when the situation requires. sadly, it's true.

after baoru told me the bad news, i was very much affected. i didnt expect things to take this course for the worse. then i got a confirmation from ms lim, that it was true, whatever baoru told me. i was really in shock, pretty much worried. - because i still feel for this cca i have been for 3 years and had a fair share of fun and tears with. then i talked to the girls, the jc team, hoping that they could have realised what went wrong to make this situation this bad.

then the next day, a tues, mr ng asked me during assembly. then ms chong asked. then i was asked to attend their meeting with other teachers as well, to give my views and to say what ms lim said. but. it was a wrong decision. i m not a cca teacher. i m not a student in guzheng now. i m perhaps an alumni? i was really scared at the meeting. i should not have interfered again. because no matter how much i still love the girls, i m in no position to do anything except to listen to their grumbles. i cant speak on behalf of the teachers as i m not one, i shouldnt speak on behalf of the girls, solely because i dont want to break their trust they give me as a friend.

i really thank ms chong and mr ng for making me feel useful that i can provide alternative viewpoints, as a third party in this matter. i thank both of you for letting me contribute back to this cca. (tues lunch with ms chong)

but somehow, i realised that i m revealing too much of what ms lim and the girls are telling me. i seem to be breaking their trust. it was hard to keep everyone's identity private while trying to make other parties see the other side of the picture. till now i still have no idea whether the words i said were in any case a mistake. i have no courage to evaluate every sentence i said, to every individual.

somehow, i m scared. because i do value friendship so much, that it's so painful to lose anyone, especially these girls in guzheng. yy, qi, zw, val, huimin etc. i m scared that ms lim would misinterpret too. i really tried to respect everyone's privacy already. i m sorry if i had said anything wrong, in any situation.

wed, had "lunch" with mr ng. and mr tek. no cca. cca carnival. mr ng wanted me to go scold the members for their banner and publicity efforts. sorry i couldnt do that. i have realised i needed to stay out of guzheng matters to maintain neutrality. and as someone in a difficult position to say anything or do anything, i needed to stay out of the celeberation stuff too, eg to yusheng fanfare.

thu, went out with mr ng, ms ang, ms lim and jess for lunch. i told them that mr nah did tell me before, not to go back to guzheng so often. afternoon, ip team practice, i didnt go. i was very sure i wanted to stop gg back to guzheng until the day i resign, when i dont have to maintain neutrality anymore. i was very very troubled, because no matter how much i wanted to help guzheng, i just cant do it because i m in no position to do anything. I CANT DO ANYTHING EXCEPT TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. for the girls, i cant simply go tell the teachers what u all tell me, and dont expect i will, cos i have no idea what u want to say and what u want to keep secret. for the teachers, i cant simply go and scold them or even interfere in their management of the cca. firstly because, my exco batch was not much better, secondly, i need to maintain privacy,thirdly i would rather they learn from their exco experience on their own. As i told you in the first week i came back to nj, to them, their exco experience, whether good or bad, would be a memorable experience. i asked some people for advice, i asked ms feng sorry i always trouble you), i realised that i should make myself clear to all parties involved.

friday, i made it clear to both mr ng and ms chong, my stand, that i would ask about guzheng in that i still care about them, but i m not going to visit and help cos i m in a very DIFFICULT position to say or do anything. because i m neither a teacher, nor a student, nor an alumni, i m just an intern here. tried to explain to mr ng during lunch.

i think i have made my stand very clear, that i m not going to interfere, unless i stop work in nj. meaning i have ended my internship, and i would be back to help in syf, as an ex-member/alumni person.then, i need not care about my internship.

i was really happy to have taken a stand on this matter, and not let matters take its course. and get myself into difficult situations.

i was super happy.

the only hiccups was when mr tek asked whether i went to see guzheng on thurs, and whether i was going guzheng prac/ alumni gathering on sat/sun (i have no idea which he was referring to). and on sat, when i met mr jenson ong, and ms low, he asked whether i was back with guzheng.

haha. i have learnt to take things on a lighter note. i have learnt to draw the line from the start. and not "help" in every cca matter. i should have drawn the line clearly, or perhaps i shouldnt even have returned to see them. i could have just asked ms lim to go out shopping???

sighs.

ok. this hopefully ends my "cca" life. secretly, i thought that when i ended my stint in exco guzheng last year, i have ended my "yuan fen" with guzheng. really. i thought i had nothing more to do with this cca.

i will still help when i can. i hope all misunderstandings are cleared? or i should just shut up, let nature take its course, and hopefully mr ng and ms chong wont mind, hopefully these guzheng girls are still my very good friends.

i still love u, guzheng ensemble girls.

from facebook:

it has been an eventful month, where everyday was filled with surprises, unknowns etc. had my times of fun and laughter, fair share of trouble (oops), distressed moments, crazy times hahaha.

sorry sometimes i say really mean stuff to u all when i cant control my emotions.

hence...

thanks for tolerating my nonsense and crappy moments!

this goes to the party in the room (i m sure u know who u are =D), the teachers, eliz, xuan, RO, xin, jess, sherrie, rah etc!

thanks a lot my dears.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

and since people dont read this blog!

let me state the names instead: regina, peixin, shufang, renying, joanne, ms feng, mrs fong, mr nah, ms ang, ms lim, ms tay, ms chong, mr ng, jessica, elizabeth, liuxuan, rachel ong, xinyuan, sarah, sherrie! mufeng, minlu, minying, yanyao, qizhen, valerie, zhiwen!

i feel so indebted.

i m tired. not tired from doing lots of stuff. but because my emotions are going on a roller coaster ride.

sorry i shouldnt have gotten myself involved in cca again. i hope this doesnt interfere with internship, i dont think it would cos i will wash my hands of it as soon as i can.

and sorry mrs thia for saying very meanly that i wont care about guzheng anymore. i dont mean it. but ya, i have to stop interfering with guzheng.

i asked one of my very close teachers, and explained to her my predicament of (to be continued)

am typing journal entries to handed in to moe. problem is, it sounds more like a blog entry than a formal one to be sent in to moe. will have to edit it soon.

and i just realised, i havent keyed in timesheet.

sometimes i feel that i m getting more introverted by talking to myself here.

ok. this time is regarding USP. the application closed. hence there's no need to make a decision whether to submit or not already. actually. it's kind of great. i dont really want to rush out an essay.

and im hungry. it's the first day of the lunar new year. and i started by waking up at 11am . great.

after the chat with zhiwen, i think i got a better idea of what's happening in guzheng and the exco people. and now i can match what ms chong and mr ng were talking about to what is exactly happening on the floor. (can someone give me a better way of expressing this)

the problem being, i only went back on wed once to see the girls cos i miss them. as simple as that. that was the jc team. on thurs i went to see the ip team. that's it. i didnt mean anything more. yes it's true i miss them. but i know i CANNOT intervene in their work because the exco experience belongs to them. rightfully they should experience it whole - that's what i believe. i told mr ng and ms chong, to their amusement, that they should experience it and have memories of it, whether good or bad. besides, the problem with them is not that serious i thought, as compared to my nonsensical batch and my senior's batch.

perhaps it's because of what i went through in exco. it's really a memory that i most probably wont forget for many years. perhaps it was because of the conflicts and the relative calmness in guzheng, perhaps it's just a different experience.

if i intervene in guzheng matters now, i personally believe im robbing them of an experience they should have. meaning making mistakes, learning from mistakes and overcoming the odds along the way. Yet, based on their feedback, they seem to be asking for help, for advice, for some guidance out of the current messs ( yes i left them with this mess). [perhaps it's retribution heh].

of course i m glad to give advice. if i can help them get out of the mess, it's even better.

But somehow i really feel that making mistakes is valuable. at this stage, making mistakes in exco isnt something that is not tolerable. they arent in the workforce yet. mistakes in exco wont cost them a job. unless it's something serious like backstabbing people, picking arguments, it's really okay for them to make mistakes.

or perhaps, our asian perspective is not that tolerant of mistakes?

i do feel that everyone needs some adjustment, even the teachers need too as well. perhaps the exco cannot accept the teachers' way of leading them. perhaps the exco feels that the teachers can be more understanding. perhaps the teachers need to give them some suggestions how to solve this communication breakdown problem. probably the teachers themselves need to clarify some things as well?

i m in an awkward position to say and do anything. Am i their senior, friend or teaching intern? i dont even know who i m. i have a dozen different identities. this makes me sound as if i have bipolar disorder.

sure i can listen. and i m matching what the teachers comment to what the students say. somehow, both parties know the problem but none have come up with solutions!

that's becoming really funny when u look at it from a third person point of view.

jia you dear teachers, ms lim and my dear girls in exco, as well as the entire ensemble, together with CO.

i have 2 outstanding essays to complete. both due really soon. unless i decide to give up and not apply. and u just keep arguing with me. if in the future i stop talking to u, i guess u have to take some responsibility of it? have u ever listened to my problems. really listen. not give ur comments and say how wrong i m everytime. i dont care how you were brought up a family when ur parents dont talk to u. if u have a daughter now and u lose ur daughter, it's your fault too. today's cny eve. i simply dont want to speak to u. and i m considering staying in hostel when uni year starts. it will to lessen our conflicts.

njcogz alumni decides to have a new year gathering at mr tek's new place in hostel. and i just realised, everytime i see mr tek, i say very dumb things. everytime. from IP1 to now. omg.